Transform Relationships


Heartful Relationships Coaching supports the release of dysfunctional patterns that prevent flow and freedom in relationships.

Do you need or want support as you ~

  • improve your communication dynamics for life
  • create relationships devoid of ‘game playing’
  • stop conditioned behaviours going down the generations
  • build your toolbox of relating skills ~ with self, others and life
  • learn to observe and live lightly with your ego’s antics
  • find your strong centre in the pulls of daily living?

Conscious Communication is the bedrock of great relationships, and relationships are a crucible for self-awareness and heartful living.

My communication experience

I was speechless as a young child and unable to connect with others or life in a normal fashion. Locked in my inner world, I became an avid people-watcher with a growing fascination in how humans relate to each other and to life. This has never waned.

I was frequently upset in my younger years by the blatant mismatch between what people said and what they meant or appeared to be feeling. I longed to know how to relate well, especially if I were to have children. I still cannot comprehend why the fundamental life skills of Effective Relating are not on every school’s curriculum. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I would have to unlearn and replace much of what I had absorbed from the way others spoke and behaved in order to communicate successfully and to form rich relationships.

Replace with what? It was this question that spurred me on to become a hunter/gatherer of wisdom that works to enhance relationships. After decades of collection and practise, this wisdom has become the content for Heart of Relating: Communication Beyond Ego ~ a comprehensive course that I use to support all my coaching sessions.

About Heartful Relationships Coaching

There two types of one-on-one coaching sessions on offer:

  1. Regular consultation sessions to support your transformation process as you complete the Heart of Relating book.

 My support is available weekly or at other intervals to suit your needs. The idea is to keep you on track and to help deepen your understanding of what is arising from doing the course laid out in weekly engaging lessons in the book.

  1. Coaching to help you look deeper into the way you relate, to cast light on and release unconscious and conditioned patterns, and to solve specific challenges.

I will listen to what you feel you need and help you to relate as much as possible from your essential core ~ beyond ego and persona ~ from where communication flows more easily. You will be encouraged to take responsibility for your part in any challenging dynamic rather than simply blaming anyone or anything outside of yourself. I work with individuals but rarely with couples.

You are requested to purchase the Heart of Relating book to support these coaching sessions.

Before you make a booking

Please take a look at ‘The Paradigms of Relating’ model below showing the outside-in and inside-out paradigms (from the Heart of Relating intro) so that you can comprehend where I coming from in my work. I am particularly keen to work with those who aspire to relating from the inside-out paradigm.

Take note that everything is in flux, most of us live in both paradigms to some degree and neither is wrong.

Where do you see yourself?

The OUTSIDE-IN Paradigm of Relating
‘I’m on a journey                                    to somewhere else’

The INSIDE-OUT Paradigm of Relating
‘Wherever I am, I’m home’


The world outside my body is separate from me. I conceptualise what I perceive and then relate from my interpretations and opinions about it.

Everything’s connected. I experience being of and with life and relate using my full body’s senses – including feelings, intuition and reason.

How other people perceive me is important. I often morph my behaviour to what I think others want, in order to get approval/results of various kinds.

Staying true to my own integrity and authenticity is paramount. I notice relationships blossom best when I relate from who I am… beyond ego.

I engage mainly with the spoken word and what is presented externally, rarely sharing the truth of what I feel inside. There is a mismatch going on.


I listen and attune to what is going on inside others and myself, behind the words and presenting behaviour. I aim to align my words and feelings.


I relate mostly from and to the human identities (persona) of both others and myself, e.g., appearance, roles, conditioning, status, gender.


I relate from an expansive identity that embraces the non-physical Self, i.e. awareness and intuition, and connect to this in others when I can.


My circumstances, history, what others have told me and what I see as my limiting character traits prevent me from fulfilling my dreams.


I welcome the awareness of what is limiting me and trust that I can find surprising ways to break through. I expand and open to my limitless Self.


My ego reacts and my emotional state swings in relation to others and my external world, which I believe is responsible for sending me off-balance.


I aspire to be in the driving seat of my responses to life’s circumstances and know that ultimately I am responsible for my behaviour and state of being.


I imagine I know a lot about others and often pigeonhole them, speak on their behalf, generalise, stereotype, gossip, blame and judge.


I speak for myself from what I feel to be true in the moment. I am curious and interested in our differences and keen to learn from them.


On balance, I mostly value: speed, setting goals and making things happen; fixing things and people; the intellect, logic and information.


I value: silence; spaces to just be; feelings; not knowing; sitting with what’s not ready to move… until it is; receptivity; insight; and intellect/logic etc.


I am entitled to get my needs met by the world. It’s ok to tell white lies, coerce others, and compete to get what I want: there is scarcity out there.


I meet my own needs where possible and clearly and cleanly express them when necessary. I trust that my true needs will be/are being met somehow.


This has gone wrong. Who failed? I deserve to be made to feel bad about this, and to expose and punish those guilty of mistakes or wrongdoings.


I compassionately accept “failure” and allow it to spur creative change. Every challenge I encounter offers insights about who I am.


I resist, resent, and complain about things that feel uncomfortable and consequently sabotage my natural sense of well-being.


I live closely with my inner smile and am grateful for life’s rich diversity and the opportunity before me to wake up to greater awareness.

Model by Carmella B’Hahn


In person or online

Heartful Relating sessions are available both in person at my home in Totnes, Devon, UK and online on Zoom at the same cost. If you live locally I recommend that we meet face to face. If online, you will be asked to connect in at the agreed time from a quiet room with no distractions and a notebook/journal on hand.

Carmella has made a massive difference to how I view my life and develop relationships. Practical suggestions changed day to day habits within many relationships in personal and work situations. I am so much happier in myself these days. Many doors have opened within my heart, mind and my life. Poppy, Therapist (Birmingham, UK)

Cost and Timing

Payment is by sliding scale according to your means. You are asked to tune in to what you can honestly afford.

Cost range for sessions:

£40 ~ £70 (1 hour)

£50 ~ £80 (1.5 hours)

Speak to me confidentially about what you can afford before the first session. The more generous you are able to be, the more this supports those who presently have less resources.

Payment is by cash at the end of each session or by bank transfer preferably before meeting or the same day when it is still in your mind. PayPal can be used if need be.

NB. If paying by bank transfer, please create a strategy for remembering.


My preferred way to take bookings is by email: [email protected], but I am happy to arrange to have a short phone or Zoom conversation before booking if this would help you. I don’t usually work at weekends, unless there is an urgent need.

Cancellations/no shows

I ask you to value my time. Please let me know as far in advance as possible if you need to change your appointment. If you simply do not turn up or call at the agreed time, you will asked to pay the full agreed amount, so please remember to put the date in your diary/calendar as soon as it’s confirmed.

I was in a frozen dilemma when I contacted Carmella. I wanted to change a relationship with my sister as I kept falling back into the same uncomfortable behaviour. Conversations with Carmella were nothing short of transformative. In a gentle and honest way she presented me with observations, suggestions, challenges and a way forward. Anon (The Midlands, UK)


Book Links

  • Benjaya’s Gifts

      Benjaya’s Gifts is a captivating and intimate true story, which takes us on a journey into the heart of...

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  • Mourning Has Broken

      Mourning Has Broken is filled with stories told to the author by people from many walks of life and...

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  • Heart of Relating

      HEART OF RELATING enhances relationships by providing nitty-gritty answers to these questions… and more: 1.  How do I recognise and...

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